What is the funniest joke you've been told that you still think about to this day?

“The Murphy twins are drunk again.”

At that point, a woman enters, stands at the other end, and orders a drink. Brian, the bartender says, “Oh, Vicky, it’s going to be a long, tiring night.”

“Mother Mary. And on what street in Dublin did you live?”

Why is only the left side of my vagina bleeding, on and off?

Two blokes are sitting at the end of a bar. One orders a drink. The other one says, “From your voice, I’d guess you’re from Ireland.”

“As did I,” the first bloke says, getting very excited. “And what year did you graduate?”

“A lovely little area of the old part of town, McCleary Street.”

If babies could write, what questions would they ask on Quora?

“Yes, that I am,” says the second.

I’m from Dublin, I am.”

The first fellow is now beside himself. “The good Lord must be smiling on us. Imagine that the two of us should be meeting here, having grown up on the same street, gone to the same school, and graduated in the same year.”

Why have cell phones, the internet, and reality TV turned the world into a toilet, as this has not advanced us in any way?

“Well, to St. Mary’s, of course.”

“So am I. And from where in Ireland might you be?” says the first.

“Faith and begorrah. What a small world. So did I. And to what school would you school would you have been going?”

Everyone says the pet population is out of control. Everyone says you MUST spay or neuter your pets. No one wants to talk about how its almost $1,000 to spay or neuter a pet. Why is it so expensive if its so necessary? Animal shelters do it for free.

“Oh, let me see now. ’Twas 1964, it was.”

“Now why would you be saying that, Brian?”